The Golden Raspberry Awards: where Hollywood’s outstanding pieces are finally given the praise they deserve. Although, in this case, “pieces” is not followed by “of art.” No, these are the hits that were misses: the big name, highly marketed, tent poles that turned out to be trash. Some still made gobs of cash, but many did not. Regardless of their box office, critics and professionals made them equals in shame.
Worst Picture: “Battleship”
A shameless attempt to cash in on the “Transformers” formula, a cast phoning it in for a collective paycheck, and a horrible script turned this boat into an aircraft carrier-sized disaster. It didn’t help that “Avengers” came out a few weeks before, and showed audiences and critics how you do a blockbuster right. It’s appropriate that a man named “Peter Berg” directed this, because it sank the Titanic.
Worst Actress: Milla Jovovich, “Resident Evil: Retribution”
This one is tricky. Kristen Stewart (“The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part 2”) gives the more popularly bad performance, but Jovovich was far worse. The even flatter supporting characters may bolster Stewart’s comparative score though, so the zombie-killing Ukrainian bombshell may get the “recognition” she deserves.
Worst Actor: Adam Sandler, “That’s My Boy”
Razzing voters seem to have a soft spot for Sandler, and his crude New Englander role in “That’s My Boy” is his most crude, yet. This one’s a lock.
Worst Director: John Putch, “Atlas Shrugged Part II”
This pick has nothing to do with the story or message, and everything to do with the execution. Did this guy even do multiple takes? Did he talk to his actors about character motivation or subtlety? Plus, what’s with the sudden wormhole bit?
Worst Supporting Actress: Rihanna, “Battleship”
Ashley Greene routinely one-upped Kristen Stewart for the worst acting in “The Twilight Saga.” Her lack of emotion and perpetual deer-in-the-headlights look couldn’t really sell her as a prophet of doom. However, singers-turned-actors have a great track record at the Razzies.
Worst Supporting Actor: Too close to call
Vanilla Ice (“That’s My Boy”) is a detestable performer who’s got nothing to lose. Taylor Lautner (“Twilight”) is a great martial artist, who’s become a horrible screen presence. There’s only one way to settle it: Thunderdome. Two men enter, one man leaves. In all seriousness though, Lautner could earn some massive cred if he tried a little MMA.
Worst On-Screen Couple: Any two member of “Jersey Shore,” “Three Stooges”
This may be the only chance Razzies voters will get to savage Italian-Americans that make La Cosa Nostra look like upstanding citizens. They’ll take it. Note: Italian-Americans are not evil. Most are good, kind-hearted people, like this writer’s girlfriend.
Worst Ensemble: “The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part 2”
Dakota Fanning. Ashley Greene. Kristen Stewart. Robert Pattinson. Taylor Lautner. Those racist caricatures of South American vampires. What chance do Rihanna, Taylor Kitsch, and Brooklyn Decker have?
Worst Screenplay: Tie
At least “Twilight” was short. The you have “Battleship” and “Atlas Shrugged.” Making up a whole story about aliens and naval training exercises when your source is vaguely inspired by the Cold War is not a great idea. Neither is claiming your film is for intellectuals and beating the audience over the head with the message (no matter what the message is).
Worst Prequel, Remake, Rip-Off, or Sequel: “Twilight”
Out of all the nominees, this one is the most popular, making it a sort of default. It’s kind of a pity, since the previous movies about vampire lovin’ were much more deserving than the latest, halfway decent entry.
