The producers of “50 Shades of Grey” made a huge profit over Valentine’s Day weekend, with a record-breaking amount in the first weekend of its opening. According to Us magazine, the movie brought in $248.7 million on an international scale. This misleading story, supposedly about BDSM, portrays and unhealthy and dangerous relationship. What has become a mainstream pop culture relationship is abusive and not one to look up to.
The BDSM community is about safety, comfort and consent. There are precautions and safety words. There are comfort zones that are pushed but never violated. Although I’m not personally part of it, many people are. Speaking to these people and research has taught me a couple of things. Mr. Grey is not Mr. Great.
Extensive conversation between the parties involved is a must. Consent can not be given if there is any alcohol involved. When a safe word is used, it is over. Things do not continue.
In “50 Shades,” all of the above occur. Safety words are ignored. Alcohol is consumed. There is no conversation on comfort zones or boundaries.
Mr. Grey stalks Ana in the beginning by showing up at the workplace, which is three hours away from his home. Mr. Grey engages in sexual activity with Ana when she was been drinking heavily. He continues to stalk and isolate Ana from her friends and family. She allows a non-disclosure agreement between the two, endangering her. Mr. Grey takes her virginity with no consideration from her.
He initiates in sexual activity after drinking, by law this is rape. Christian Grey is protective, controlling and dangerous. I do not need to be part of the BDSM community to know that the relationship is unhealthy and abusive. S&M relationships and sexual fantasies have become mainstream and generally accepted. I am not part of such a lifestyle, but those that are do not allow it to affect their lives. There are girlfriends, daughters and mothers who are submissive and vice versa. This lifestyle is private, controlled and more importantly based on mutual agreement.
Girls should not be looking to Mr. Grey as a model. He is not something to be sought after. He is a possessive and abusive man.
Everyone has an inclination to either submit or dominate. It’s natural. Those who find more pleasure in it than others are not broken. They just have tendencies. Tendencies that are not dangerous or abusive. Mr. Grey is abusive.
Grey would be charged with several accounts of stalking, sexual assault and rape. He would be facing serious prison time if his actions were acted out. Girls should not be looking for their Mr. Grey.