Keep calm and don’t ‘Solange’
This ordeal between Solange, Beyoncé (even though she didn’t do much) and Jay Z has everyone rethinking the once power couple.
With rumors of his cheating, and him possibly accusing her of cheating, many think that Solange’s violent attack was in defense of her sister. Others think that maybe Jay Z said something a little too offensive and Solange snapped, but whatever caused the R&B singer to hit her brother-in-law makes me wonder if there was any way around it.
An article in Elle magazine, Why do women have such a hard time expressing anger?, touches on the idea that women are taught that anger isn’t feminine and therefore shouldn’t be expressed by them. Forced to repress these feelings, we [women] find other ways to express our emotions— whether through snide remarks and snappy attitudes or acting out and hitting someone.
I myself can say I’m a victim of both.
Depending on the situation and who has made me angry, I can either hit them right back (literally and figuratively) or I can just walk away— allowing my anger to marinate and affect others through sarcastic responses and other forms of verbal abuse. Now usually I’m a genuine sweetheart who’ll help anyone and everyone I can. It takes a lot to grind my gears, but sparks fly when they grind. The gloves come off and many are shocked to see that little Hannah has some spunk. Women look in disapproval and kids cover their mouths in disbelief, but the best and most offensive reactions I’ve received have been from the male community. They either smile and find it amusing that I’m angry (which is really irritating when they’re the reason for the emotion) or they get offended. (Them offended at something I’ve said when they’re the ones who provoked it. Go figure.) But regardless of their reaction, I can’t help but look back after the anger has ended and wonder how I could’ve handled myself better.
Often times we see in movies that any male/female argument can be resolved through a nice game of angry sex, but is that realistic? When I’m upset I want to be heard and understood. Not pinned to the bed and spanked.
Surely this may not be the case with Solange and Jay Z, but could this be the reason the act has become such a hot topic? Here she is in a beautiful gown with a sour face. This supposedly poised individual releasing her anger the best way she can. It may not have been the best way, but she’s getting a bunch of attention and the saying is “no publicity is bad publicity.” But Solange, next time you want to go all ape on your sister’s husband consider these points.
1. Will it benefit me?
Long gone are the days when you could just throw a tantrum and expect to get your way. As a woman (anyone 18+) you’re expected to act and behave in a certain manner. That’s not to say you can’t have fun, but the next time you get angry take a step back and assess the best way to approach the problem. Will yelling and screaming get me more upset or calm me down? Will hitting them get rid of my anger for the moment or for good? Once you’re honest with yourself you’ll see that these reactions are a waste of time and energy, and you’ll resolve to take the more mature approach— even if that means you don’t address the situation right away.
2. How will others feel, specifically your mother?
Most of us were brought up with a bit of home training. Now it’s time to implement those lessons from back in the day. (Keeping your hands to yourself was obviously a lesson Solange missed.)
Before you react to a situation, think of what you’re getting ready to do. (Before that situation even arises, think about what you would do in that scenario. It’s better to be prepared than caught of guard— like Jay Z was in the elevator.) Will what you’re preparing to do offend others? Will it burn bridges? Would you do that if you’re mother was there? Nine times out of 10 the answer is no, so why are you lowering yourself to make a point?
What would Jay Z do? If you’ve seen the video you know that the whole time Solange was playing boxer with Bey’s hubby, Jay Z didn’t lift a finger to hit her back. If he could keep his cool and stay level headed in an elevator, you can definitely do it at any point in your life. Just step back, find your happy place (mine is with minions) and count to 10.
My theory on why Solange’s outburst has gained so much attention could be right or could be wrong. Either way her actions were immature, and I have no plan to replicate them.