READ: Get the Shmack out of here
By now, I’m sure the news has reached the ears of all you alcohol-crazed degenerates. No judgement; I’ll be standing on top of the Key’s Bar tables dancing and pretending to be a freshman again with the rest of you. I’m Shamcked is gracing us with their presence and is making its way all the way down to the murky waters of Florida Gulf Coast University.
The famed media group plans to come the first week of school in August and they could not have picked a better time: a bunch of crazed 18-year-old baby Eagles are released into the wild, looking to take their first Fireball shot.
It’s syllabus week then, so nobody really goes to class anyway, as classes are unofficially deemed optional. For the uninformed, the Amish population, and those who are just clueless all together, I’m Shmacked is a company that visits the top party schools in the country and films their football tailgates, parties, nightlife and any other crazy parties that goes on. We don’t have a football team here to tailgate for, so maybe the FGCU Quidditch tailgate will surface?
As appealing as Quidditch may be for our tree-hugging campus, my guess is I’m Shmacked will be filming our nightlife. Those who don’t attend FGCU, say what you will about our school, but we have awesome nightlife here. From $10 all you can drink, two-for-one’s, and $2 Fireball deals, along with that ladies drink free almost everywhere, it’s safe to say I’m Shmacked will be satisfied.
Rumors regarding where I’m Shmacked’s video will be filmed have been circulating around campus. Bars such as Key’s Bar, since Conner Jones is promoting, Rusty’s, Bar Louie, and Tequila Bar are probably the front runners. Then again, look for the ‘ole watering hole, Lani Kai, on Fort Myers Beach to make an appearance or host a house party somewhere. Hell, maybe they’ll even film us shotgunning Diet Cokes on our dry campus. Wherever they decide, it’s going to be a great time and it’s guaranteed to be a large turnout from FGCU’s students.
Many schools in the past have complained I’m Shmacked puts negative stereotypes on schools. Well they’re wrong. A large part of college is earning your degree in 4-5 years time, yes. However, another tremendous aspect of college is the social element. No matter what school you go to, you’re going to see this. So in a way, I’m Shmacked helps colleges by highlighting that social element. Besides, this will probably increase the number of applications to the admissions office for the next year.
So FGCU freshmen, all the way to you super fifth-year seniors, activate your Tinders, expect to miss classes for the week, and get ready for a load of regret and fun times. Good luck.
