In order for a couple’s sex life and relationship to be good, does the Titanic have to be capsized? It’s Valentine’s Day, and everybody loves a good ol’ fashioned sex scene in a movie, but does the angry wet rain kiss from “The Notebook” ever happen in real life? The media’s portrayal of relationships is nothing like the actual thing.
From Disney movies all the way through our intro to creative writing classes, college students see that conflict is the key to every love story. Drama, action, romantic comedy — no matter what the genre — the story line is basically the same.
Boy meets girl. Girl and boy fall in love. Boy and girl fight. In the end not only does the guy get the girl back, but laws change, bodies, personalities and values transform, and feuding families hold hands and sing ”Kumbaya.”
Just once I’d like to see a movie based on real life: Boy meets girl. Girl likes someone else but has sex with boy anyway because he helps her in statistics. Boy gets the wrong idea and leaves her love notes on her car every day hoping maybe he will be good enough.
My love story is a little depressing, but it’s certainly realistic and has conflict. On the other hand, why does conflict have to exist? Unless you’re Mr. and Mrs. Smith, shouldn’t your relationship already be passionate enough without drama, weapons and spandex? And if you’re not fighting a dragon for your damsel, does that mean that your relationship will never last?
While the couple in “The Notebook” were total opposites, if you’re fighting with your partner all the time, chances are he or she won’t write you every day for a year. And if they do, I would contact campus police.
Still, makeup sex can feel fantastic, like a rock song’s booming beat. You’re emotionally raw, smacking the headboard against the wall. For this same reason, makeup sex can be incredibly dangerous. According to Psychology Today, makeup sex often is the result of severely repressed negative emotions. Because individuals’ self-esteem in these relationships are so low, they crave the high of making up the same way a drug addict craves a fix.
During makeup sex cuddles, we act like total lunatics in lust. Even though saying, “Oh darling, you’re my world,” doesn’t make the fact that he is possessive and judgmental okay, we believe it simply because we need to.
The problem is that makeup sex, like in the movies, is based on fantasy, extremes and the idea that sex will make everything okay. You can tell yourself positive affirmations every morning, but in the end, you will only feel worse about dating a schmuck who doesn’t validate you the way your bathroom mirror does.
Real relationships and intimacy are balanced and based on HUT: honesty, understanding and trust. They may have a few arguments here and there, but the beauty about these relationships is that after the fight, you move on immediately. She makes you coffee the way you like it, or he rushes down to the store for cake mix, and together you laugh. There is no power dynamic or getting down on your knees (literally and emotionally) to beg for forgiveness.
Is this kind of all-encompassing respecting intimacy boring? “I’ve been with my boyfriend 14 years, and we’re still very passionate” said Jill, a journalism major. “I think passion depends on how well you know someone. Your attraction doesn’t have to be to an extreme to be passionate.”
There comes a point in every relationship where your girlfriend may pee with the door open. True, washing your boyfriend’s undies with skid marks on them can be a little bit of a mood killer, but with this blunt honesty the relationship takes on a new meaning. Instead of spending your paycheck on a Playstation game, you might take your partner to the zoo to see their favorite animal, simply because watching them smile makes your eyes light up.
It might not be an Oscar nominee or a Pulitzer prize winner, but a relationship where two people can be emotionally naked and not feel taken advantage of, where touching his skin is the same as touching your own, where the little things about her that you hate have become your favorite poem, that is exactly what love is.