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What your Instagram posts say about you

Photo via Instagram/ @Lunchtime58 // This Instagram profile shows travel, art and photography, which are some of our media editor Sean’s passions.

We live in the age of narcissism. Flagrant self-promotion is the norm, whether it be posted by an influencer or not. You could say that it’s a bad thing, that we’re all completely self-absorbed, or you could claim that we’re just more confident than ever.
Human beings crave connection and affirmation. The likes that light up our devices give us an actual rush of endorphins; it’s science, people.  The following is not science but is purely based off me judging people on my Instagram feed, and what their posts tell me about them.

The “bikini in the snow” picture

I’ve seen an unusual amount of these this winter. You’re so hot that you don’t even get cold. Maybe you’re just drunk. For your sake, I hope you’re wearing a whiskey jacket, at the very least.

Shirtless mirror pic(s)

You eat a lot of boring food. You drink vodka waters with your bros. Your apartment doesn’t have any decorations, but it does have more than a few full-length mirrors, because you are the art. You make a lot of “that’s what she said” jokes. You’re an unabashedly manscaped Tinder connoisseur.

Mostly pictures of your dog/cat

If you go to a party and see an animal, that’s who you’re hanging out with and it’s what your social media stories will consist of. You genuinely like your pet more than any human you know.

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Pictures of your bodily progress from a product that you claim can work miracles and/or expensive things you bought because of this miracle product

Your hair has grown 12 inches in three months, you’re healthier than ever and your wallet is fat; that is, according to your captions. You’re urging people to join you in getting these insane results and acquiring financial independence. You swear it works. Your oldest friends have stopped answering your calls.

An excessive amount of gym pictures and videos paired with hashtags like #fitfam

We get it. You work out. You’re truly unaware that a workout still counts even if you don’t post about it on social media. You can’t have a cohesive conversation about literature, but you sure can talk someone’s ear off about your current meal plan. Maybe you used to be involved in a pyramid scheme. You’re definitely the type.

Lots of selfies, all of which look virtually the same

You didn’t get hugged enough as a child. You’ve used the dog filter to death. You and your significant other have broken up and made up more than three times. You write thinly veiled captions under your selfies each time.

Pictures with motivational quotes that have nothing to do with the actual picture

There seems to be a connection between constantly posting motivational quotes and not having your life together. You’re really trying your best.

“Sexy” pictures in exotic locations

You used to take sexy pictures on Fort Myers Beach. Now, they’re in Aruba. You’ve stepped up from your Splenda daddy and got yourself a sugar daddy. You aspire to be an influencer.

Aesthetically pleasing pictures of food

You’d stand on a chair in a restaurant just to get the perfect shot of your meal. You spend the majority of your paycheck going out to eat. You’re shameless and it’s kind of inspirational.

Countless pictures of your overly modified truck

You’re compensating for something. You almost certainly voted for Trump. You believe that the confederate flag represents “heritage not hate.”
Whatever your posting style, your social media can serve to define you. Remember, the internet never forgets.

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    Brooke StilesMay 16, 2019 at 3:35 pm

    I usually don’t like like these kinds of post, but this one was not only accurate but hilarious. I love it!