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Dad bods vs. the six-pack

Ever since the beginning of time, the hard bod, chizzled abs and biceps bigger than the spread of Ebola have been the popular choice amongst the lady folk. Hercules! Hercules! Due to MTV, “Jersey Shore” and Ryan Gossling, this is the female’s eye candy. This is what society calls the six-pack. Men will spend all sorts of money and spend countless hours in the gym to achieve this glorified six-pack. I achieved my six pack in less than an hour and it cost  only $4.99. It was delicious, too.

Much like Phat Farms, Lady Gaga’s “rumor” of having male organs and hopefully “Fifty Shades of Grey,” all these popular fads eventually fade away. This is starting to happen to the beloved six- pack. But what on God’s great green earth could be standing in the way of the six-pack? It’s what is rightfully referred to as the “dad body.”

Now, it’s not to be confused with being morbidly obese, but it’s not to be confused with being in shape by any means either. It’s that right in the middle of being overweight. Some girls refer to it as “just right.” Most do not.

According to urban dictionary, the “dad bod” is defined as, “Once in shape, but clearly has lost most athletic properties. Best suited for sitting at a desk chair, possibly doing one’s taxes.” This is quite relevant to many male college students who trade in their athletic abilities for the taste of the good life and a cold Natty Light. Heck, I once had a six-pack, but much like most of my future, that’s long behind me. Now, back to my original thesis, how is the “dad bod” taking over. Well, it’s quite simple: the six pack is just intimidating and plain scary. I will give you many reasons why having a dad bod is nothing to be ashamed of, but something to flaunt.

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Reason No. 1:  For starters, it’s a sense of comfort for females. When a women sees you juiced up like you just swallowed a box of steroids, you’re less approachable and downright scary. Now ladies, imagine this: a slightly above-average man strolling through the hallways wearing a Hawaiian shirt and ever-so-slight gut poking out of it. You’re more inclined to approach that guy because he appears to be friendly and comftorbale. I mean this is the guy you take home to meet your parents. Your dad loves him because most likely your dad has a matching dad bod and your mom loves him because she knows he’s obviously not spending all his time in the gym, so he must be spending it on you. This is what we call a win-win. Dad bods 1 –  Six pack  0.

Reason No. 2: Cuddling: Now I know most guys say they love to cuddle when using their tinder pickup lines, but most do not. However, a man who owns his dad bod is always down to cuddle, mainly because he has to if he wants to get anywhere. Men with veins sticking out of their necks most likely won’t waste their time cuddling when they could be swallowing a serving of creatine. Besides, would you rather cuddle with a teddy bear or a box of bricks? The choice is easy.

Reason No. 3: Confidence: When you have a dad bod it’s a message to the world, nay, a middle finger to society that you absolutely don’t care. You have accepted that life is short and you’re going to make the best of it. It also shows how confident you are. If you’re confident enough to take your shirt off rocking that sweet and sexy dad bod, you have the confidence to do just about anything. Fun fact: Take a look next time you’re at the beach; the majority of men with super-hot wives have a dad bod.

Reason No. 4: Relationships: Men with dad bods are typically known to be wild and have a good time, hence the beer gut. However, if you are able to somehow tame this wilder beast, good things are to come.  This is probably the most appealing attribute to the ladies  regarding dad bods. When a man is comfortable with things like men with dad bods are, it usually means they are comfortable with you, which means you’ll most likely have a great and fun-filled relationship. Dad bods win. The end.

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    Sean ConwayMar 18, 2015 at 4:26 pm