The almighty deadline. Something the majority of people have encountered in their school, work or personal life. The dreaded deadline has been known to cause problems for all of humanity worldwide. Fortunately, humans have found a way to put off this issue. The beautiful concept of procrastination has been an important characteristic of America and the rest of the world for quite some time. The art of procrastination has ruined grades, screwed folks out of jobs and removed people from their humble abodes, yet we continue mastering the practice of procrastination.
National Procrastination Week is in March and according to National Today, it is spurred from the wildly intelligent idea that humans should have at least one week to admire the obligations that we have put off for a long time. Thus, was anointed an official week of procrastination in March, conveniently sandwiched between the chaos of February and the looming dread of April deadlines. It’s like the universe knew we needed a breather before facing reality.
Behold, the arsenal of tools at the procrastinator’s disposal. Anything from unbelievably talented remote-control ability, the capability of an endless Netflix marathon at any moment and of course the encapsulating smartphone. Who really needs productivity when you have the tantalizing promise of instant gratification at your fingertips?
The beautiful thing about procrastination is that it can come in any form imaginable. Do you have some homework due in an hour? How about some video games instead? Important business presentation coming up tomorrow? How does a couple of beers with the fellas sound as a substitute? Dentist appointment coming up? Or, hear me out, we could grab some candy and hit the movies. As you can see, there are endless possibilities when trying to get out of something that you do not want to do.
Americans have welcomed and adopted the art of procrastination in such a prominent way that we now have an entire week dedicated to it. In honor of Procrastination Week, I wanted to present an idea to America. The Great Procrastination Games, it’s an event that rivals the Olympics. The games will include the highly contested Couch Potato Marathon, the unforgettable Synchronized Scrolling Sprint and of course the Avoidance Agility Course. You will be on the edge of your seat, biting every fingernail off watching these primetime matches.
Some of you may be thinking, why is this fool portraying procrastination as a good thing and even making jokes about it? Well, my friends, procrastination is an art and not all humans are blessed with the power to procrastinate in this wonderful world we all love. I know procrastinators to the North, South, East and West, that rely on this form of life to get them through the weeks, months and years of their lives. Procrastination is simply a delicate dance between productivity and the prolonged act of not doing anything at all.
As we farewell to the beloved Procrastination Week (unless we just keep it going), let us celebrate and congratulate us almighty humans who have the sought-after ability to just keep avoiding an important problem. So go ahead, embrace the madness, enjoy the absurdity, and never forget there’s always tomorrow…or the day after…or whenever you want to. Cheers to the MVP of life, lovely and beautiful, procrastination.
